Shabbatai Sevi, the false Messiah

Parts of their endless flights of abstract speculation are true. I had to assume a human nature and improve it, and then improve it some more, and if you want to talk about descending into unpleasant realms in order to accomplish redemption, well I can rap about that at some considerable length. There was that time I got arrested naked on seventeen hits of LSD in the lobby of the Renaissance Hotel in Columbus, Ohio. I mentioned that one, Schneerson was really at the helm there, you can't blame me for that one. That was interesting, I had a good time and would do it again, but I wouldn't really recommend trying the same stunt.

Ten months later, I had to do Christmas at a homeless shelter, the Larry Rice shelter in St. Louis. It was freezing outside. When you conjure up an image of a homeless shelter, you may think of some timid little guys on cots, but that is a far cry from Larry Rice. Eventually they shut it down, and even I can't really blame them, this was hundreds of insane criminals in the same place. It was as close to hell as I'd like to come. After a week or so, I ended up marrying a hippopotamus because we were told we could get housing if we were married. I got a little job delivering televisions three days a week for a little repair shop, but I didn't have to do the driving, so I could read books most of the day. That suited me fine. But after a year or so, I couldn't take it anymore and said to Rebecca, "I can't do it," and then I found her hanging in a tree in the backyard. The depression from the guilt was so bad, I ended up getting shock treatments. 

I got put through the wringer, guys. If you could possibly pay dues to be the Messiah, I've done it.