It occurs to me that you might like to know all the times I've been arrested. Let's see if I can remember.
The first time, I was fifteen. My stepmom was not giving me telephone messages from friends, and I confronted her about it. "What comes around, goes around, Lisa," I said, and she erupted. "Are you threatening me?!" My dad intervened, and I ridiculed him until he came charging at me. We tussled, and then he hit me right between the eyes with his big gold horse head ring (he had racehorses in Kentucky, the big shot). I saw stars, like in cartoons, and got dizzy and sat down. The police showed up and arrested me, even though he hit first and won the fight, and I spent three weeks in juvenile hall. The second time, I was also fifteen. I had persuaded this older guy to order a bunch of tickets for Grateful Dead concerts, and then I stole them and tried to bolt out of town. I was arrested at my friend's house before I even got out of town. The third time, it was three days before I turned eighteen, in Santa Cruz, California. I was smoking a bowl with two hippies downtown by the boardwalk, and the police swarmed us, and I had two different kinds of LSD in my backpack. I had twenty-five hits or so of stuff that was on printed and perforated paper, but I had a bunch more on plain white watercolor paper. I said the white paper was just to write phone numbers on, and they believed me. They dropped the charges on the condition that I flew out of the state, and they drove me to the airport in San Francisco and I flew home. The next time, if I remember correctly, was in 2000, so I guess I was 23. Some friends and I went to Colorado for two Widespread Panic concerts, at an amphitheater in the mountains near Denver, not Red Rocks but a different place. The first day, I took ten hits of LSD and was drinking all day. I don't remember the concert, but after the concert, I was walking along the path from the venue to the parking lot, and stepped off the path to look up at the stars. Then, hundreds of yards away, maybe a mile, I saw police watching us with binoculars (my vision was enhanced). There were maybe eight or ten unmarked cars, but it was unmistakable, they were surveilling us. So I gave them the double bird salute, and then turned around to face the kids, and raised my fists in triumph. Well, they came and tackled me. I woke up at a detox in Denver, this guy said "You was hilarious last night, you was tellin that cop you was gonna kill his dog if he didn't loosen the handcuffs." No charges, I hitched a ride back to the venue. The next time was in Cape Girardeau, Missouri. This story is told in my bio section. I had a bunch of vials of liquid LSD, but they didn't know what it was, and I only got arrested for a gram or so of weed, and I actually got the acid back. That was a close one. The next time, if I remember, was in Columbus, Ohio, naked on seventeen hits of LSD in the lobby of the Renaissance Hotel. This story is told in my bio section. There may be occasions I'm not remembering right now. When I choked my mom and banged up her house, after my family refused to take Building 7 seriously, I must have gotten arrested that time, but I don't even remember the aftermath of that one. The good news is, I won't ask you to follow in my footsteps. But don't be afraid of a little action from time to time, it makes for good stories and builds character. Am I ashamed? Absolutely not. No one on earth has done anything near what I have done for humanity, I am the greatest force for good in history. In history, old horse.
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